Hi, it’s Warwick here. You remember me. I love watching tennis sometimes. Fun stuff, even if it’s not a team sport. Sometimes teams aren’t everything anyway. Nah, only pullin’ ya chains, boys. I love being in the locker rooms and pulling all those jokes. Or at least hearing their laughs every time I went into the room. Boys, miss you. Great to see that boys from other clubs are keeping the Wiz dream alive!
But tennis is a sport for stars, on their own, being the centre of stuff. I liked the big stage and so do the tennis blokes. And I love the big flamboyant blokes. Sports like footy and tennis are always better when the stars are flamboyant. I remember Jimmy Connors, McEnroe, Cashie. All legends, all flamboyant. Couldn’t watch Borg and Lendl – they were robots.
This new kid, Nick Kyrgios, he’s a member of the Wiz’s Flamboyant Club. He’s got flamboyant to his balls. He’s got balls, that kid, plenty of them. Shorts are a bit big to show them off though. Haha. It’s also great that he keeps talking to himself, to the fans, to ball kids, to umpires. Always talking. I like a bloke who always talking. The faster the better, I always say. Well not always. Haha. But with fast talking and playing kids like this Kyrgios, tennis is not boring again. Same with that Tomic kid, who I see running past me on the Goldie every so often. His dad, who usually looks real mad, is usually behind him in his car. But when the dad sees me, he smiles and say “Hey, Wiz, how’s it going” before chasing his son with a scowl. I get that a lot.
What’s also great about the Kyrgios kid is that he has a marketing angle. Always good to have a marketing angle, like me and my CAPPERCINO and my new thing – Capper’s Well Hung Meats. Catch it on Facebook! Yeah! The kid, though, has it made with that thing he does walking everywhere with his cool headphones, listening to music and disobeying rules. It’s what’s hot with the kids these days, like my Legend Sports Water. Yeah! So if he breaks tennis rules, which seem pretty easy to break, he’ll be even bigger with his fans and with the sponsor. Win Win!
I was watching the game last night cause there wasn’t any footy and I’m still thinking of ways of meeting Brynne. Talking of Brynne, I like Geoff Edelsten, you know, champion bloke, and I usually like his taste in chicks. But I’m not a big fan of the new one. This goes one step too far down weird lane, even for the Wiz. Sometimes a bloke has to know his limitations. Or maybe Geoff is showing us all new ways to be flamboyant. (But, are they his hands in that photo…?) But also, Brynne is even hotter now with the extra plastic surgery. I was watching tennis because I know she likes it. I was thinking of how I could set up my Cappercino van outside the tennis next January and serve up some Capper, nice and hot to her, cream and all. Hot lady.
But Tennis. This Nick Kyrgios kid can play, but so could that Dick Gasket guy. He was all cool and calm and stuff – he’s one of those tennis robots and the kid was blowing his head gasket big time. I got it. It was like I was being marked up by Silvagni or someone. Annoying and getting me angry. So the kid got angry, even gobbing off at the ump. But that’s what umps are for in footy – you have a gob off and you move on. He did seem extra pissed off, though, in one of the sets and didn’t give a shit. That happened to me a lot in games. Nothing unusual. He got better but lost. Hard to beat tennis robots.
I also saw today that that nice old Balmain lady Dawnie Fraser was telling the Kyrgios kid and Bernie to go back to where they came from. I met Dawnie Fraser once, who told me that my shorts were restricting the blood flow to my brain. I keep meeting Dawnie too when I get down to the chemist shop, getting the various creams I need so I can still fit into my leather pants. There’s giant Dawnies standing in the aisles trying to sell me old people pills. Good marketing angles, that Dawnie. But what she was saying today, I can’t work out whether she’s being like my racist old grannie talking about migrants or telling them to go back to Canberra and the Goldie. Canberra’s not that bad a joint with Jacqui Lambie being smokin hot and I’m on the Goldie. They should have asked the Wiz what he thought of these new kids. I’ll tell them – they are flamboyant and get the Wiz stamp of approval. Yeah!